The mommy wars

When I was a nanny for two sweet girls, I would bring them to a few different playgroups every week. The girls had similar colouring to me and everyone assumed they were my kids, so sometimes moms would come up and ask me about their sleeping habits and napping habits, and I would have to let them know that I got off easy during the nights,  because I got to go home and leave the girls with their parents.

In other situations, when the moms wouldn't immediately give me the opportunity to clarify that I was a nanny, I was met with the mommy wars.  Sadly I bet a lot of you mommies know what I'm talking about here.  The bizarre behaviour that is exhibited between a groups of moms in regard to parenting do's and don'ts.  Let me give you an example:

Mom 1: Oh, she takes a bottle and then just goes to sleep on her own?

Nanny Emily: Yes, I just have to put her in the sling and she's out like a light.

Mom 1: My baby will only go to sleep if I nurse her.  But breastfeeding is so important so I don't mind.

Did you catch that catty comment? Not that I want to get nitty gritty about details, but I was actually feeding her a bottle of breast milk.  The mommy in question felt the need to throw that little comment in about breastfeeding as a tactic because she was jealous that her baby wouldn't just fall asleep on her own.

So why do we do it? Why do we spend our time judging each other and making each other feel inferior, when we should be supporting each other as we all fumble through raising our kids?

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to hold hands with all the mothers of the world and sing Kumbaya.  The truth of the matter is, just because we have both kids doesn't mean we will get along.  If you were the type of person I hated in high school, chances are you will still annoy me.  What I have learned, though, is just because you might make me want to claw my eyes out when you open your mouth, it doesn't mean you won't give me a great tip on how to raise my kid.  I'll be honest, I will take any kind of advice I can get. If you have advice on how to rid my baby's belly of gas, or how to make him nap when all he wants to do is squeal, I'll take it (seriously...gas tips anyone???) So why is it that we make it so difficult for other mommies out there, when their parenting techniques are basically none of our business?

My guess is it comes down to lack of sleep and feeling completely inferior/out of control in our parenting skills.  You can see it in the eyes of a first time mom who has a kid that is screaming during circle time.  That kid is probably hungry or tired, and the mom was just hoping they could last until the last song.  I've been there, and I am sure most of the other moms have been there too, so why do most of them give angelic looks down to their kid who just happens to be on their best behaviour today, instead of smiles and looks for support to the panicked, stressed mom who is now trying to stuff their kid in a snowsuit and hat, and get to the exit as quickly as possible?

The truth of the matter is, no matter how awful one or two moms are to you, no matter what they might say, or imply, or how many snarky looks you get when you wipe your kid's drool with their sock because you didn't bring a receiving blanket, trying to find support in other parents will help you stumble through this thing called parenthood.  I have met some pretty remarkable people in parks while pushing a swing, and it is nice to find a friend to meet for coffee while our babes are napping in their strollers.  It's worth the one bad experience for all the wonderful new friends you will meet venturing out into the parks, libraries, and playgroups your city has to offer.  Go and use your kid to make a new friend, just remember that they are just as sleep deprived as you, and you both should be fine.

Anyone have an experience with a "mean mom"?

Happy Tuesday!

That time I had a c-section

When I found out I was pregnant, I chose to go through my pregnancy without making too many plans for my labour and delivery.  I was excited for the experience of birthing a child, not excited about the pain involved, and I decided to let myself decide how to manage that pain as it happened.  I don't judge how people bring their babies into the world, and I wanted to be at a hospital, under the care of an Obstetrician.

As Cillian's due date approached, I started to ask my doctor about the process of being induced.  Not because I WANTED to be induced, but so I could prepare myself for the idea of Cillian getting a little help to arrive.  I am a practical person, so I wanted all the information I could get. I felt well prepared.

So when Cillian's due date came and went, I was scheduled in to be induced.  I tried every trick in the book to try and get him to come naturally, but he was just so cozy inside and my induction was scheduled for Wednesday October 10th, 2012.  We arrived to Mt. Sinai at 8am, and by 10am I had been hooked up to monitors and was given the medication to start things rolling.  Chris and I were exhausted from staying up the night before, too excited to sleep, and we settled in for what we thought would be a couple days of labour.  

That afternoon, as I laboured away at home and in hospital, the doctors and nurses seemed concerned about Cillian's movement.  Every time someone came in to check on me, they asked if he was moving and would poke around and move the fetal monitor to see if they could check for better movement.  At 9:30pm, when they were putting in my second epidural because the first failed, the doctor came in and told me that if Cillian didn't start moving within the next five minutes they were going to take him out via c-section.  His heart rate was dipping even lower, movements were minimal, and the decision was made.

That time Cillian had another growth spurt

So, seriously,who taught this kid to roll? And squeal? Squealing takes a lot of energy. And energy comes from calories. And calories come from.....oh wait Cillian's calories come from me. The start of another growth spurt.

Even though he's growing up, he could never forget his "best girl" Sophie!

This growth spurt came a little differently than the last two, and it had me going in to consulate the experts.

That time I had a fever.

Yesterday afternoon, seemingly out of nowhere, I was hit with a fever and chills.  It started with a headache, and before I knew it I was nursing a low grade fever and desperately trying to figure out if I was hot or cold.  I was unbelievably thirsty and my body felt like it was exploding from the inside out.

So, in regards to baby duty, I was out.  I was quickly becoming incoherent, and all I wanted to do was have a hot bath, climb into my pajamas, and get some rest.  The problem? Although I have an amazing husband, Chris had no idea what Cillian's schedule looks like, other than he goes to bed at 7:30pm.

I know this is a common problem with parents.  One parent, usually Mom, is home with the kids and

Cloth diapering

There is a baby somewhere under all these clean diapers....

Like every new mom-to-be, I had a few ideas/opinions about how I would raise my kid.  It's so easy to watch other parents and judge, thinking about the choices they are making and how I would never, ever do those things with my kid.  And then my kid was born and I understood.  Sometimes you just need to do things to keep yourself from going completely insane, and sometimes those things are the exact things that you said you would never, ever do.

So when it came to cloth diapers, one of the ideas I really, really believed in, I had myself

And so it begins

Movement. The ability to roll one's self from back to front, and all the freedom that comes with it. Only, I was hoping it wouldn't happen so fast.

I am probably one of the only parents that is not trying to rush her first born on to the next milestone. After being a nanny for two wonderful girls, I can understand with a better clarity

Three months!

Cillian under a toy mountain.

Dear Cillian,

Wow! You are now three months old.  It's already hard to remember the little, tiny baby that we brought home from the hospital.  You are growing up to be such a sweet, smart little boy and we can't wait to see how your personality comes out as the months go on.

Your likes:
Lying on your back and kicking your legs, nursing in bed,  Sophie the giraffe, your colourful Winkle ball, your mobile and being carried in your new Ergo Baby.

Your dislikes:
Being burped,  going to bed when there are lots of fun people around and wearing a hat.



Happy three month birthday little man!!

Baby Yoga

Cillian and I went to our first mom and baby activity yesterday: Baby Yoga.  Cillian LOVED it and I am glad that I waited until he was three months old to try one out. There is no hiding the fact that my kid is already well traveled, but up until this point he had just been a tag-a-long on mom and dad's adventures.

I first noticed Cillian noticing other kids when

Things I wish I knew: Growth spurts

This adorable little face ate 14 times in 13 hours. 

Growth spurts.  Feeding frenzies.  Wet diapers. Screaming baby.  Tired mommy.

This has been my life since Friday, when Cillian started his growth spurt.  I'm pooped, and wondering when Mary Poppins is going to arrive so mommy can go off and have a glass of wine, please and thank you.

When Cillian was six weeks old

Mom food: chickpea curry

mmmmmm....warm curry on a chilly day.

December was a great month for me. The first week I spent with my parents and Cillian in Boston, the second week we were in Florida and then all of a sudden it was Christmas! This meant that I prepared approximately three meals the entire month, and also slowly slipped back into bad breakfast habits. I prefer to start my day with a big bowl of oatmeal during the winter months, instead I was reaching for sugary cereals and toast with jam. My energy level was

Flying with a newborn

This bright smile masks the stress: Please don't let MY baby be the one that screams for the whole flight.

As many of you know, my job before becoming a mommy was as a flight attendant.  So it should come as no surprise that Cillian was up in an airplane when he was only eight weeks old.  One thing that might surprise you, is that Cillian's first flight was with me.  Only me.  I made the insane decision to travel alone, transborder, with an eight week old baby.

I use the term "insane" very loosely, because it actually was insanely smooth.  Cillian was a perfect angel throughout the entire trip, even during the long line at customs.  I'll be honest, I was so stressed the day before the trip that I considered cancelling the

12 weeks in

Reindeer baby!!

So I am here to tell all new moms out there that it gets better.  Sleep gets better.  Stress levels go down. Breastfeeding becomes easy.  Naps become predictable and longer.  Crying, both yours and the baby's, dwindles off. Your body starts to feel normal again.

Twelve weeks ago yesterday Cillian arrived, via emergency c-section.  I clearly remember bringing him home after three long, sleep-deprived nights at the hospital.  We walked in the door after the most stressful car ride of our lives, greeted our lonely cat and put baby Cillian into a swaddle blanket in his crib.  We climbed into bed because everyone told us to sleep when the baby sleeps but then the thought hit me that if I was sleeping, who would be looking after this little tiny human??

2012: reflections of a year past.

So, here we are. 2012 has finally come to an end and, like every year, we all hope 2013 will be bigger and brighter.

2012 was quite a year. After trying to get pregnant for the last three months of 2011, we were elated that January 2012 was the month that little Cillian decided to start growing inside me. This meant that I was pregnant for 10 of the 12 months of 2012. I loved being pregnant. I loved every ache and pain. I loved watching myself get bigger, and bigger and then even bigger than I thought my little body could handle. I loved feeling the first little flip of a 18 week old fetus while I was on a layover in St. John's, Newfoundland.  I loved feeling the even bigger movements that came when the poor little guy was running out of space.  I loved finding out he was going to be a boy, and I loved the process of picking out his name and falling in love with the little man who would soon burst into our little family.