The mommy wars

When I was a nanny for two sweet girls, I would bring them to a few different playgroups every week. The girls had similar colouring to me and everyone assumed they were my kids, so sometimes moms would come up and ask me about their sleeping habits and napping habits, and I would have to let them know that I got off easy during the nights,  because I got to go home and leave the girls with their parents.

In other situations, when the moms wouldn't immediately give me the opportunity to clarify that I was a nanny, I was met with the mommy wars.  Sadly I bet a lot of you mommies know what I'm talking about here.  The bizarre behaviour that is exhibited between a groups of moms in regard to parenting do's and don'ts.  Let me give you an example:

Mom 1: Oh, she takes a bottle and then just goes to sleep on her own?

Nanny Emily: Yes, I just have to put her in the sling and she's out like a light.

Mom 1: My baby will only go to sleep if I nurse her.  But breastfeeding is so important so I don't mind.

Did you catch that catty comment? Not that I want to get nitty gritty about details, but I was actually feeding her a bottle of breast milk.  The mommy in question felt the need to throw that little comment in about breastfeeding as a tactic because she was jealous that her baby wouldn't just fall asleep on her own.

So why do we do it? Why do we spend our time judging each other and making each other feel inferior, when we should be supporting each other as we all fumble through raising our kids?

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to hold hands with all the mothers of the world and sing Kumbaya.  The truth of the matter is, just because we have both kids doesn't mean we will get along.  If you were the type of person I hated in high school, chances are you will still annoy me.  What I have learned, though, is just because you might make me want to claw my eyes out when you open your mouth, it doesn't mean you won't give me a great tip on how to raise my kid.  I'll be honest, I will take any kind of advice I can get. If you have advice on how to rid my baby's belly of gas, or how to make him nap when all he wants to do is squeal, I'll take it (seriously...gas tips anyone???) So why is it that we make it so difficult for other mommies out there, when their parenting techniques are basically none of our business?

My guess is it comes down to lack of sleep and feeling completely inferior/out of control in our parenting skills.  You can see it in the eyes of a first time mom who has a kid that is screaming during circle time.  That kid is probably hungry or tired, and the mom was just hoping they could last until the last song.  I've been there, and I am sure most of the other moms have been there too, so why do most of them give angelic looks down to their kid who just happens to be on their best behaviour today, instead of smiles and looks for support to the panicked, stressed mom who is now trying to stuff their kid in a snowsuit and hat, and get to the exit as quickly as possible?

The truth of the matter is, no matter how awful one or two moms are to you, no matter what they might say, or imply, or how many snarky looks you get when you wipe your kid's drool with their sock because you didn't bring a receiving blanket, trying to find support in other parents will help you stumble through this thing called parenthood.  I have met some pretty remarkable people in parks while pushing a swing, and it is nice to find a friend to meet for coffee while our babes are napping in their strollers.  It's worth the one bad experience for all the wonderful new friends you will meet venturing out into the parks, libraries, and playgroups your city has to offer.  Go and use your kid to make a new friend, just remember that they are just as sleep deprived as you, and you both should be fine.

Anyone have an experience with a "mean mom"?

Happy Tuesday!